One of the easiest ways to de-stress is also one of the more pleasurable - sharing good sex. Scholars and physicians have studied and  stated this for thousands of years. A relaxing massage accompanied by soft lighting, perhaps candles, and relaxing massage music, can help set the mood.

With the flush of passion that accompanies new love, good sex may come easily, but maintaining this in an ongoing relationship can be challenging. It requires paying attention to our own needs as well as our partner’s. Not only that, but good sex is a whole-person experience involving body, mind and emotions.

Stress and the tension that accompanies it inhibits relaxation on all levels. It’s all too common that sexual advances by one partner towards the other can be seen as yet another demand on a tired person’s time and attention.

A certain amount of stress is natural and necessary; the body’s chemical reactions to stress keep you alert, motivated and able to take action. There is a positive side to fear, anger, excitement and worry, since they are your warning signs that you need to respond to a particular situation.

However, modern life can be too stressful. Then you don’t get the chance to ever totally relieve your stress, so unresolved stress accumulates and eventually leads to chronic depression, weakens the immune system, and many other related symptoms and illnesses.

Stress and its related effects are some of the most common causes of impotence in men and lack of sexual response in women, so taking a few moments to help your partner relax can be most beneficial as a preliminary activity to sharing sex. Since so many people hold tension in the head, neck and shoulders area, these areas can be the focus of a brief, relaxing massage.

It’s best to begin simply by placing the hands passively on the shoulders. This helps the partner become aware of and move into his or her own body comfortably and slowly. Then some passive manipulation, steady gliding movements, and gentle pressure all in the area of the head, neck and shoulders, along with a stimulating head massage, and perhaps also using a pleasantly scented massage oil, all will relax your partner. This will be reassuring and help to bring his or her attention to this area of the body, so that s/he can start to unwind.